Do we have to beat kids really?

So my blog is about to take a little veer off the path it's been on. Up until now, my little mommy blog has been all about the funny things my kids say and do that make being a mom so much fun. Last week I had a slight encounter that made me think about the more serious side of parenting, even though I poke fun at it a lot.

I'll often make silly comments about having to beat my kids into submission. Not that I really do that. I'm small. Very. My older boys are larger. Very much. Even if I was of the mind to use physical force, it wouldn't do me much good with them. It's one of the reasons I've always believed parents need something more than just fear and threats. Things like mutual respect, love, compassion. Don't puke. Really. It's not that corny. What made me think of this stuff? Someone came to my house and sat in amazement as Doodle took his bowl to the kitchen. Why did Doodle do this? Because I said "Honey, please take your bowl out to the sink." Stunned silence and then "Wow." All of this was quickly followed by a lot of explanations about why hitting their children isn't an option. Like that's how I get my son to do as I ask. It was kind of weird, actually.

Hitting isn't my first choice. Or my second or even third or fourth. Creative means of torture have included things like drawing a much sought after facial tattoo on with waterproof eyeliner (it wouldn't wash off - he was HORRIFIED), but I learned a long time ago that spanking has very limited use. Kids are pretty portable when they're small. If you want them to do something or to be somewhere, it's really freaking easy. You just get up off your butt and you move them. Easy. I remember Doodle taking his clothes off in the middle of the dining room when he was two. I said "Pick your clothes up and put them in the hamper." This was followed by a no. I got up, got Doodle, walked him to his clothes, helped him bend over, helped him pick up his clothes, and then proceeded to walk him (and his clothes) to where I wanted them to be.

Could I have spanked? Sure. Would it have gotten the clothes to the hamper? Perhaps, but not any more effectively. I don't have statistics for how many times a mom has to spank to get a kid to pick his clothes up out of the middle of the dining room without being asked twice. I know I only had to walk each of my kids once. After I showed them what I wanted them to do, they did it when I asked. Same with taking the dishes to the sink. Same with picking up their toys. No hitting. No hurting. Very simple concept. But it does mean the parent has to get up off the couch, the computer, the lounge chair, and do something that takes more energy than swatting a butt.

I'm all about the creative solutions. This isn't about coddling my children or nurturing fragile egos and feeding their precious self-esteems into believing they're special (just like the rest of the world, right?). This is about finding ways to get them to contribute to the family unit. If only I could slap the shit out of my husband every time he didn't do what I asked....